its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
