There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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