I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
