Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
