you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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