you're like a bully in the Christmas story
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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