Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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