just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
