you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
