I want to walk on stilts...naked
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
