Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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