so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
