She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
