Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Randomize
