I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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