Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
