Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
