grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
