True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
