Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
