Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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