I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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