Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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