Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
