Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
