There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
