you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
