Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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