I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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