Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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