The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
