Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
