you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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