yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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