Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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