Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
