just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
