Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
