I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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