I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
