To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
