You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
