Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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