I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
