I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
