honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
