pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
