Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
