somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
