its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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